Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain