just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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