DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
