Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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