can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
