I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i need some magic done to my vagina
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
