the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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