don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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