I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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