I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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