I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
