i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
