did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we should paint friendship bongs
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