we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize