Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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