I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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