those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
