Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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