is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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