Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize