how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
