i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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