if you like me you must not know who I am
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
