dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
