i permit you to call me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize