Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
