We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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