id be glad to
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
