M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
