i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
