I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
