it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Found your dick twin last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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