At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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