trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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