Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
