I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just pee around me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
