Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
