I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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