Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
