I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
