if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
