Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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