i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Drake has all the answers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
