I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
