didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
