I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
