I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
