While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
