I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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