He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
