he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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