I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didn't notice because vodka
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
