she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
