just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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