i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
