i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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