I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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