I faked an abortion last night.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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