it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
