Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
