when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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