NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
