I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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