There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
