I feel great
I just peed on a car
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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