ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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