You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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