Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
