I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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