everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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