We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
